Kickers Are People Too

The NFL Owners meeting is coming up and, as always, rule changes are going to be discussed.  One topic of conversation that keeps being brought up is how the NFL can change the extra point after a touchdown.  While teams can always go for two, NFL head coaches are averse to doing so unless their little 2-point conversion chart tells them to do so.  While recent statistics note that kickers made 99.6% of extra points last year, some of the proposed rule changes seem, well, ridiculous. 

Bill Belichick’s Proposal:

This idea was officially proposed by the Patriot’s front man/czar but seems to be a favorite amongst league official.  The idea here is to move the extra-point to the 25-yardline.  This is a drastic change going from roughly a 17-yard field goal attempt to roughly a 42-yard field goal attempt.  While kickers this past season made a little over 90% of their kicks from this distance, this rule will end up taking points off the board.  Then there’s the issue of if a coach wants to go for two.  I haven’t heard where the ball would be spotted if a coach decided to forgo a kick for a 2-point attempt, but it would eliminate any fake field goal tries.  Basically, this idea is stupid.

Mike Tomlin’s Proposal:

Tomlin goes in the opposite direction from Belichick and wants to move the point after attempt closer to the goal line.  He wants to move the spot of the ball after a touchdown from the 2-yard line to the 1-yard line.  The idea here is that it would lead to more coaches going for two.  However, I tend to believe that if you can get one yard than you should be able to get two.  This also creates a little less space for players to run routes if a team wants to pass on a two-point conversion, again limiting options on this type of play.  This idea also seems stupid and pointless.

My proposal – not that anyone in the NFL gives two shits about my thoughts:

Place the ball at the five-yard line for the point after play.  As an added twist, mark the ball like you would for any other play.  If a touchdown is scored on the left then place the ball on the left hash mark.  If scored on the right side of the field then place the ball on the right hash mark.  If the touchdown is scored between the hash marks then place the ball accordingly.  This would add a little degree of difficulty to an extra-point kick.  If a coach wanted to go for two, the ball would be close enough to the endzone where a team could still try to run the ball or allow a little more room for receivers to run routes on passing plays.

The extra-point play does not need to be tampered with but the NFL Owners seem intent on doing something in the name of improving the game.  This seems like a silly topic for them to tackle and there are certainly bigger issues in the game that need to be dealt with.  While my proposal probably needs some tweaks, I still think it’s better than anything else that’s been offered up.  Please share your thoughts below.

The NFL and The Simpsons: Part I

I love The Simpsons and I love the NFL.  So I’m combining these two passions and assigning a Simpsons character as a mascot for each NFL team.  My reasoning behind each selection probably won’t be coherent, but this was really fun to write.  The first installment will include the NFC East and NFC West. 

NFC East:

Dallas Cowboys = Abe Simpson

Abe Simpson likes to tell a lot of old stories that don’t make a lot of sense and lives in the past.  Sounds a lot like Jerry Jones, but instead of reliving his army days, Jerry likes to pretend it’s still the 1970’s or early 1990’s.

New York Giants = Squeaky Voiced Teen

The New York Football Giants have had some success not that long ago but keep believing in a quarterback who’s only famous because of his last name.  Squeaky Voiced Teen works seemingly every unwanted job in Springfield, but also has success in that he’s sometimes the manager.  People keep giving him chances but he always proves he doesn’t know what he’s doing, much like the current Giants.

Philadelphia Eagles = Moe Szyslak

Moe and the Eagles have both gone under transformations over the years, and we still don’t know quite what to make of either.  In reality, Eagles fans are more like Moe in that they’re quick to anger and will turn on you in a second.  But, Moe and the Eagles have their moments where you can’t help but root for them.

Washington Redskins = Hank Scorpio

Dan Snyder and Hank Scorpio are both insane.  The only difference is that Scorpio was successful in conquering the East Coast.  They both also have affections for people they shouldn’t because they’re incompetent and won’t help finish the job.  For Hank that’s Homer, for Dan that’s every high priced free agent they’ve regretted signing.  Maybe Snyder should just invest in a flamethrower.

NFC West:

Arizona Cardinals = Gil Gunderson

Both the Cardinals and Gil are troubled with bad luck.  Whenever they catch a break – like when Gil takes a job in Scottsdale, AZ – something always messes that up.  Neither can ever get anything right (Arizona had some luck with an old Kurt Warner throwing to Fitz, but haven’t found a QB yet & Arizona has never had an offensive line) and rely on castoffs from others just to get by.

San Francisco 49ers = Sideshow Bob

Both are crazy – we know Bob is, and you can’t tell me that Jim Harbaugh isn’t.  While Sideshow Bob is constantly seeking revenge against Bart, the 49ers are left seeking revenge against the Seattle Seahawks.  Plus, we all know Alcatraz would do a better job of containing Sideshow Bob than Springfield Penitentiary

Seattle Seahawks = Bart Simpson

Bart is the original bad boy and the Seahawks are the bad boys of the NFL.  You want to tell Richard Sherman differently and see how he reacts?  They both are held back by bumbling sidekicks – Bart has Milhouse, and Seattle by every quarterback and head coach before Russell Wilson and Pete Carroll – but you can never count either out.

St. Louis Rams = Seymour Skinner

The Rams are lucky to be part of the NFL as they’ve bungled personnel decisions since The Greatest Show on Turf days.  Principal Skinner somehow manages to keep his job as head of the worst school of whatever state Springfield is in.  The Rams are currently embodied by the fragile and seemingly lacking in self-esteem Sam Bradford.  Skinner has never had self-esteem, not even in his army days in Vietnam.  St. Louis also decided to keep Bradford (and his enormous rookie contract thanks to the old CBA) much like how Skinner has always stuck by his mother instead of any other woman on The Simpsons.